Monday, November 15, 2010

I'm sorry, but sometimes things aren't simply amazing

Maybe I'm in a grumpy mood. I hope this doesn't come off as passive aggressive -- while I am the self professed master of passive aggressiveness, that usually manifests itself most in closer relationships (family, friends and significant others are the ones that get to enjoy the product of my unresolved self-esteem issues, not the unwashed masses -- go find your own covertly insidious asshole!). So I don't want anyone that reads this to think I am singling him or her out personally -- I assure you I am not! But there's a pet peeve I have about vegans: we tend to think that every food in the vegan universe is amazing. Sorry, it's not.

I don't know why we grasseaters have a tendency to think that every food that exists in the vegan world deserves a reaction of "OMGZ this is SO unbelievably good; it's the best thing I have ever put in my mouth!!!!!!!" But we do. Is it out of politeness? Possibly. I mean, most of my fellow herbivores are very nice, passive and accommodating people that want everyone to just get along, and for everyone to be happy. Most other veggies don't have the inclination or the disposition to play the grumpy asshole role in the vegetarian social ecosystem. I guess that's my job, to be the vegan player hater. Oh well, I guess I'm okay with that. Someone's gotta do it!

There are also probably some basic psychological processes at work here. When we tend to categorize things we encounter in the social world, there's a natural tendency to associate like with like. We like it when a restaurant or a bakery creates something vegan. That's a good thing. We are already biased to think it's good. And when we taste it, and it doesn't completely suck, we automatically give it credit for being much better than it really is. If it's vegan, it must be good, right?

So what though? I mean is it really a big deal when vegans think everything they try is amazing? Well, kind of, yes. For one thing, if everything is really, really amazing, then nothing is really, really amazing; the vegan chili whose recipe I spent twelve years perfecting and worked five hours to make is suddenly in the same category as the salsa someone made by by throwing onions, garlic, peppers, a can of Rotel in a food processor. Another example: the vegan cupcakes at Sweet Art are really, truly amazing. They are the best cupcakes I have ever had in my life; that is not hyperbole. I don't throw the word amazing around like it's meaningless; when I say something is amazing, I mean it. Those cupcakes deserve a higher evaluation than the mediocre sweets served at other vegan friendly establishments in the city. We should reserve the concept of greatness for things that are truly great, and not for the merely good, and certainly not the mediocre.

In my opinion, systematic, uncritical bias is never a good thing. And this tendency among vegans to evaluate any food that's at least average to the level of greatness is very much a bias. It's a bias towards positively in evaluating things that don't deserve it, and lifting the merely good or passable into a category of elite quality. Not every vegan buffet is amazing, and not every vegan scone is delicious. Sometimes the buffet is average at best, and doesn't have enough variety. Sometimes the scone is dry, bland and flavorless. Sometimes the food is too salty, too expensive, and portions are ridiculously small. And, even if the place is very vegan friendly, sometimes the service sucks.

Just trying is not enough to make something truly great. Now I'm all for trying. Trying is awesome! I think it's great when a new vegetarian restaurant opens up, or a local restaurant decides to do something to accommodate vegans. That does deserve recognition. But that doesn't mean that whatever they do is, by definition, of very high quality. Until someone actually does something great, he or she doesn't deserve credit for achieving greatness.

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