The Half-Ass Vegan -- Volume I -- "Chicken" Salad Wraps

Okay, this is me actually trying to follow through on shit. It’s a lazy Saturday morning. I have some college football game I don’t really care that much about going on in the background, an LSU game later today (I’m an LSU alum – Geaux Tigers!), leftover gumbo in the fridge, and a somewhat-clean kitchen. I’m set! So now it’s time to make a post.

This is the first installment on the Half-Ass Vegan – where I give quick and easy guides to make something that’s fast and easy, but also tastes good and isn’t that bad for you. (I’m Southern though, so my definition of something being, or not being, “that bad for you” might vary depending on your area of geographic origin, level of common sense, or both. Remember, you are reading something written by a guy that remembers pork rinds fondly.)

Okay, this post is about my chopped “chicken” salad wraps. When people think “chicken salad” they usually think of something creamy and “mayonnaise.” That’s not this recipe. This is more of a salad, with chopped up fake chicken on it, wrapped in a tortilla.

What you need:
Large tortillas
A Boca chicken patty (cooked)
Your favorite kind of leafy stuff (I like baby greens)
Red onions
Cherry or grape tomatoes
Your favorite salad dressing

Okay, at this point you probably know how to make this. You come in from work, and pop the Boca patty in the toaster oven, and you let it cook while you take a shower, and then commit mild acts of animal cruelty on your cat for attacking the toilet paper again while you were gone all day and then trying to destroy your best tie after you got home.

Okay, the patty is done. Fire up your gas range and cook the tortilla right on the burner. That’s right – right on that sum’bitch. Throw it on a plate, and pile on greens, and however much diced onion you want. I usually put on four or so little tomatoes, quartered. I then dice half of a Boca patty, and put it on top. Then you just pour on your dressing, wrap it up and eat it. After that, you have another half of a Boca patty, so you can make another one.

After you are done, and are tired from a long day of working, plus you have just eaten, you will get drowsy. Don’t fight it. Go to sleep. Hell, go to bed! I do it – it’s the secret to keeping my girlish figure.

OMGZ -- an actual entry!!!!11one (I'm going to try to do better guys)

Okay, this blog is not exactly active – that much is obvious. That said, I think that there is still some potential here, and it’s not necessarily time to consign this project to the Failed Blog Graveyard. At least not yet.

“Really, Greg? No updates in a month?” Yeah, that’s not good, I realize. A lot had been going on. Some of it’s personal stuff – making the last couple of updates were really tough because of some stuff going on in my personal life. That happens. Honestly, doing this a little more would probably have been good for me to work through some stuff. But I didn’t. Alas. Also, my computer broke. Maybe I should say “my” computer – it’s really a work computer. I’m lucky enough to have a job that affords me the luxury of use of a pretty nice computer I can take home. But lately I’ve been stuck using the piece of crap I used to write my dissertation in 2005 and 2006. Okay, maybe “piece of crap” is a bit harsh, but I gotta tell ya: half a gig of RAM just doesn’t do what it used to. Well, I got a reasonably functional computer again (one I had loaned to someone), so I don’t have any excuses in that regard anymore.

This is never going to be the Vegan Dad blog (great blog -- go there NOW if you haven't seen it yet), or anything like that. I know this. But I can do better. And I will.

In other events: it seems like Vegifide, the vegetarian social networking site with a lot of St. Louis members, isn’t with us anymore. The site has been down for a while. As of writing this, it says it’s “on hiatus” when attempting to go there. Those of you that follow this blog (all two of you) probably are aware of “The Incident” (of which I was a major character) that happened there about a year ago. I won’t get into it other than to say that many long time users of the site were banned (some for literally no reason), and the common consensus among many of us that used to be on the site is that The Incident was what lead to a drastic downfall in traffic from Vegifide. I’m going to say that I was personally wronged, but I will say that several people were.

So why is this a bad thing? Well, to be honest I do feel a bit of Schadenfreude, but that is admittedly a petty (if natural) reaction. Vegifide did a lot for me personally. I met a lot of truly amazing people on that site – people that remain close, personal, actual face-to-face (irl – omgz!) friends. Also, the people I communicated with, and the info presented on Vegifide is a big part of the reason I went vegan. I won’t give Vegifide actual credit for me going vegan (that would be silly), but it certainly was influential in helping me make what I feel was one of the best personal decisions I have ever made. Finally, the site owner who did the “purging” issued an unconditional apology for his actions. I’m not talking a half-ass “I’m sorry if you think I went too far” b.s. apology, but a full on, 100%, “I fucked up and I’m sorry” apology, where he asked everyone to come back. Most of us didn’t. In fact, I don’t think any of us came back, but at least he made an effort to make amends, and that is worth something in my opinion.

I don’t want to write a premature obituary for Vegifide. Maybe they will come back, and be bigger than ever. But considering the lack of traffic, and the fact that the site has been down well over a month now, I don’t really see that happening. But hey, I’ve been wrong before.

Regarding this blog: I am going to try to make a concerted effort to keep this more active. So I’m going to start a series on this blog, called the Half-Ass Vegan. This will be where I share quick, easy, tasty, and not insanely unhealthy meals, and how to make them. I already have a few ideas, so really all it will take is me actually getting off my lazy ass at least once a week or so. I should be able to manage that.